litup: (cape.)
beverly marsh ([personal profile] litup) wrote 2019-11-18 06:40 am (UTC)

cw mentions of sexual harassment..........

Oh my god I wish you didn't just guess
DON'T tell anyone. Seriously.


[It's not that she is ashamed of Ben in specific at all. She kind of likes him, she thinks, maybe even has a crush on him? Maybe???

But also. Everything else. What is a crush anyway.
]

Yeah exactly. I guess I already sorta gave up a while ago.

I dunno though. I try not to think about it
I think it's like. Okay I'm fine with the kiss (pretending it was just one boy now) and I kinda like him but
What does he expect now, what does the whole world expect now
And it gets hard to separate it from times when guys try to do stuff that i DON'T like or want? Even if it wasn't like that?

So it feels gross like that but also gross like when you remember something stupid or embarrassing you did once suddenly and you just hate yourself so much until you can get yourself to forget again


Maybe it's cause we both get each other that way. We both know what that's like I think.
When love feels horrible and scary.

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